Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Eating Too Many Calories Is Not a Moral Failing.

I ate too many brownies last week. I made Valentine's brownies for my husband and then ate a lot of them myself. I discovered that all that sugar and chocolate put me on a horrible energy-and-mood roller coaster ride. On Sunday, fatigued, pale, and puffy, I got off the ride. I ate whole grains, nothing refined. I felt better within 24 hours.

I shared my story of brownies and redemption at the WW meeting, and rather to my surprise, the leader congratulated me both for my insight on how the brownies made me feel, and for taking the next step, ie, recovering and moving on. She emphasized throughout the meeting that what you already did is less important than what you do next. I liked that a lot.

Meantime, today my parents took us out for lunch for my birthday. They are so weirdly moralistic about calories. My dad was once overweight and then lost a bunch of weight (using WW without meetings) and has kept it off. Ever since he has had the self-righteousness of the converted, wielding judgment about food, fat, and exercise with a traditional pastor's relish of fire and brimstone.

Mom is currently trying to lose weight. Last time I saw her, she beat herself up all day for eating a spanikopita and then discovering, by looking through my WW food guide, that it was more Points than she thought. She is not even doing Weight Watchers. At the time, she had not even started her own weight loss efforts. For the rest of the day, she went on and on about how awful she felt for eating the spanikopita. Her righteousness is inner-directed, channeled into guilt. "Lord, I am not worthy to receive you..." Over the holidays she made fun of Oprah's weight. I told her not to pick on people for weight. As usual, she felt guilty, but perhaps more powerfully, she felt embarrassed for picking on Oprah because she herself is overweight.

Why is weight an OK target for ridicule? Oh, right! It's NOT! No matter how fat or thin you are!

I'd forgotten some of my folks' strange fat-moralism until my own WW journey began. I mentioned to my mom that in weeks 3-4 I gained 2.4 pounds back, and she was disappointed on a level far beyond what was acceptable. Everyone who's done WW assures me that gains here & there are normal and part of the process; what we're aiming for is an overall downward trajectory over time.

At lunch today, I mentioned a previous lunch FAIL. I had ordered a salad wrap in a food court, thinking it would be more healthful than a delicious, delectable Indian dish, only later to discover that my unsatisfying wrap contained a sneaky 1400 calories. My mom turned pale, and asked, with something akin to terror, what caused all those calories. "The dressing," I replied, matter-of-factly. Dad replied in a moralistic, preachy tone, "Salad dressing is bad. You have to be really careful." I snapped back an "I KNOW." A little support would have been nice, a little, "Wow! That's a crazy salad story! It happens, though." But no, JUDGMENT.

I could go on longer, about how my mom saw me looking hungry waiting for our food at the restaurant and tried to foist more bread on my plate, about other awkward, contradictory food events today, but...eh. I guess I just have to stop talking about my weight loss process with them altogether. Cut 'em off.

11 comments:

Ann Forstie said...

That's a crazy salad story! It happens, though. Restaurants are super-sneaky like that. I'm just sorry it didn't taste good.

I think a lot of people forget that humans eat for reasons other than mere sustenance, and that those reasons are not bad ones. Hell, as far as I'm concerned, emotional eating is totally acceptable. It's comforting; it makes you feel better; everybody does it.

The thought of a life without any comfort (i.e., "junk") food whatsoever hurts my brain.

Ann Forstie said...

PS. Keep on keepin' on, you. You're awesome no matter how many calorie-laden-dressing-topped salads you consume.

kStyle said...

Thank you, Ann! I appreciate the support! You say all the right things.

I've worked out my Points to include a hit of dark chocolate every day. There are no bad foods! Except that salad wrap. I want a freaking molten chocolate cake if I'm going to consume that many kcals. I think I'll write to the company.

Narya said...

Wow--that whole story (complete with parents) is pretty amazing! What a whole other level of challenge added to the pile. I like the leader's evaluation, too; the whole what-you-do-next thing. (Sounds like your mom would benefit from that perspective.)

I actually don't find that emotional eating makes me feel better; it makes me feel worse, primarily physically (rather than emotionally) and it doesn't fix whatever is bothering me, unless whatever is bothering me is hunger. I have also found that my taste for "junk" food has nearly disappeared. I DO like high-calorie food (hello, homemade tiramisu), but I find the commercially made stuff to be generally kinda nasty. I'm such a food snot that I've even gotten picky about chocolate, which is eye-rollingly annoying, even to me.

kStyle said...

I DO find that emotional eating makes me feel better if I have a whole-grain food. Why? Whole grains increase production of seratonin!

kStyle said...

PS Yes, realizing that my parents have a rather unhealthy relationship with food helped me understand some of my inherited karma, if you will.

Ann Forstie said...

I guess I define "junk" and "comfort" food as anything that has a certain level of calories and fat and salt and carbs. So, yes, sweets, both homemade and commercial. And anything fried. And cheese.

God. In what world is freaking cheese a junk food?

Narya said...

It sounds like we have a raft of possible definitions here:
"junk" food
"comfort" food
"emotional eating"

Certainly we eat food for reasons in addition to bodily hunger (has anyone noted just how many of my posts describe making/eating food? yes, I saw that too), but which foods, and under which conditions, and what we expect to and actually do get out of it, well, those are a whole other trail of thought. To which I REALLY CANNOT DEVOTE TIME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE I'M FIGHTING WITH BUDGETS.

But, trust me, food is way more interesting.

kStyle said...

Yes, I suppose that we need to define our terms! Screw the budget, Narya, this is important! ;)

BTW, if either of you ladeez ever wants to post your own topical thoughts here, I would be honored.

Narya said...

Incidentally, I habitually ask for all dressings, mayo, and the like to be eliminated or placed on the side. If there's enough stuff in the dish, then I can usually do w/o the dressing completely (and not miss it AT ALL--especially given the heavy hand usually used w/ such things).

It does sound as though cutting your family off from the conversation is the healthy approach to the whole thing, though.

kStyle said...

I usually do the same. My food court adventure had lots of extenuating circumstances. I was supposed to meet a friend for lunch at noon; we had to reschedule because of an appt she forgot about; we had planned to eat at a certain restaurant, for which I had chosen a meal already; that restaurant had a ridiculously long wait; finally we were at the food court, 3 hours past my usual lunchtime, and I was so hungry I could not see straight.